Monday, September 27, 2010

holiday heartache

With the start of fall I've been missing New England even more than I did when we first moved. I didn't even think that was possible. Maybe it's because as you settle into New Orleans you find all the problems of living here weighing down on your daily life. Or maybe it's because I miss pumpkin latte's, apple picking at the farm we've been going to for years, sweaters, playing with friends without sweating, changing leaves...okay, i'm not going to go on. You get the picture.
In New Orleans there aren't the normal seasons that I'm used to. As one person put it, the seasons here are: summer, football, holidays, and more summer.

{I should note though that we're having a cold-front today and it was in the low 80's (60's when Ben biked to school in the early AM!). I turned up the AC and put on jeans, pretending it was autumn, but then went outside and regretted the long pants.}

Anyway, I've been trying to look on the bright side of living someplace with a tropical climate- mainly that I won't be too cold in the winter. Although, Nola did get into the 30s last winter and it actually snowed! Southerners also get to experience more sun year round! But seeing photos of my friends in hats with the red and yellow leaves behind them makes my heart ache. So, I've really been looking forward to the next time I'll get to go home. Or Boston. Or New Hampshire. Any home. Basically, the North.

But then, we found out that we're staying right here for Thanksgiving. Okay, I can skip that holiday. I heard that flight rates are up the highest they've been in years for that weekend and flying to/from NOLA can be ridiculous anyway.
Maybe they televise the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade down here. (I did find a Red Sox bar- although it's too smoky for me to stay in for more than 5 minutes). I have worked twelve hour shifts on Thanksgiving before and it's hard but doable. I miss my moms turnips and spinach though. Oh well, I'll write in my journal about how I'm thankful for getting to spend time with Ben and look forward to my favorite holiday season.

I knew holidays would be tough. My dad lives in NJ. My mom and bro in CT. Ben's mom and bro in NH. Ben's dad in Kentucky/NH. His grandparents in various parts of MA/FL. My grandparents in CT/FL. It certainly is complicated. But, we spend Christmas at my family house in Greenwich and had planned to this year too.

Now i've found out that it is too expensive for us to both fly to CT for Christmas. My family is selling the only house that has been a family home for as long as I've lived and I'll miss the last Christmas at it. Ben won't see his family. I won't see my family. My maternal grandma and aunt are both ill and i won't see them. Maybe we'll skip the tree too. OMG, do they even have Christmas trees down here?!?!

Honestly, I took on a lot moving down here. Leaving everyone I love. Losing out on my doctoral degree. Needing to find a job where I have no connections. Knowing no one and having no ways to meet them since i'm jobless and petty-cashless. The darned lack of seasons.
But I guess I didn't think through possibly not seeing my friends and family for years.
I'm really trying to be "positive", "look on the bright side", and enjoy the present. But life is throwin me some curve-balls and I'm just about exhausted trying to swing at 'em.

That means something good must be coming around the corner, right? Maybe a fantastic job counseling at-risk youth and their families? Or baking cupcakes? Maybe winning the lottery (that i don't play). Maybe flights will suddenly become cheaper and easier!!
We'll see. But I have hopes that I'm gonna be smiling again soon.

2 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear that your heart is aching. If it's any consolation, you have the man you love and your best friend by your side which is more than a lot of people can say, even if they do have access to pumpkin lattes and changing leaves!

    Hang in there, I'm sure things will get easier for you! I think we should all go to FL at the same time this Winter! I think we'll all need a vaca by then...

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  2. thanks Lauryn, I realize I sound a little whiny right now. Truth is, I have never questioned or regretted my decision to move with Ben. I loooove spending every day with him and it really makes it all worth it. Thanks for reminding me though :)
    And, my whole fam is flying to FL to spend New Years together and celebrate my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary! I don't think I can fly to CT and to FL though- it's what's making this difficult.
    I think big fam reunions should be yearly!!

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